What You Focus On, You Get
I’m going to tell you a really embarrassing story. A story that’s made even more embarrassing by the fact it involves my friend Helen, who I'm pretty sure is on my email list and is probably reading this at the same time as you.
Mortified x 1000
On the first day of my “classroom-based” coach training, I rocked up full of nerves and half-convinced that I wouldn't see out the first week and that if I felt really uncomfortable I'd just quit the course and leave. The class was small with only around 8 people including the trainers.
I nervously took my seat
My internal dialogue RUNNING WILD. “Don’t be awkward. You're so weird and awkward no one will like you”. “It doesn't matter if you don't make friends, You’re not here to make friends. You’re crap at being friends anyway.”
“Whatever happens, don't tell ANYONE about your Instagram. No one will understand what you do - it’s weird. They’ll get the wrong impression about you. They’ll think you’re some massive extrovert ..and big-headed.. and up yourself”
"Don't talk"
“You always say something stupid when you talk and you’re nervous,just be a listener”. “They can’t force you to participate. Don't draw ANY attention to yourself”
Ok great - good plan!
“Don't say anything And if you do say something, definitely definitely don't say anything about your Instagram”
Me: Spots tea station is empty - approaches with caution
As I'm walking up to the tea station, another female approaches at the same time…..F**K. I assess the situation….
“She looks totally normal, what if I'm weird? Bet she’s successful, must have life together, must be way better than me. Bet she is a professional, loads of qualifications. What if I spill my tea? What if I make it awkward?"… “I don't know what to say. Whatever happens... Don't be weird, don't say anything stupid."
“Definitely, definitely don't talk about Instagram. Why would you talk about Instagram? That's weird, stop thinking about Instagram. No one knows about it, she doesn't know about it.”
Just don't say anything.
We are both wearing naming tags, hers says Helen. Helen looks at mine. She speaks "Hi Nikki, you look really familiar? Have we met before?"
Me: "Oh really, that’s funny". (Don't make it weird, don't make it weird, don't say the wrong thing, don't say the wrong thing...). “I have this Instagram account maybe you saw me on there..?”
DEAD
WTF
STOP
OMG
OMG
OMG
DEAD IM DEAD
KILL ME NOW
RUN
RUN AWAY
F******CKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Long Pause... (pretty sure my face looks in physical pain)
Helen: “Oh no, I hardly use social media”
DEAD
F*******CCCKKKKKKKKKK
FEEL SICK
Pretty sure I'm covered in a rash right now (I get hives when I'm stressed). I can’t even remember how our interaction ended from that point, I just remember taking my seat in utter disbelief thinking “HOW???”.
How did this happen?
It was like the words “Instagram” had flown out of my mouth against my will. But it was exactly the opposite. Our unconscious mind is really good at delivering exactly what it thinks we want. It loves to follow precise instructions. However... It doesn't process negatives very well, if at all. So when you say to yourself, don’t think of a pink elephant I bet you immediately conjure up the image of a pink elephant. Right? Because your mind doesn’t include the “Don’t”. All your unconscious mind heard was the instruction “think of a pink elephant” and it delivered.
So whilst I was drilling myself over and over again on “don't talk about your Instagram”. It became the very first thing my unconscious mind served up on a platter… Funnily enough, this very valuable lesson was the first thing I learned at my training that day, and needless to say, I was hooked and stuck out the seven months of training that followed. Your mind is a very powerful tool to create and design your life entirely on purpose. What you choose to focus on you will absolutely get. Just be really specific with what you ask for and make sure you ALWAYS ask for what you actually WANT and not what you don't want.
Oh, and Helen, if you’re reading this… I’m so happy you didn't judge me off that first meeting and we became the friends we are today. I think you are wonderful!